These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
