i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
