Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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