And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am available for nakedness
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
