he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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