One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
