he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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