im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
youre lurking in front of me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
