i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
