I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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