I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize