So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
