You work out of a Hotel?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
