he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
