I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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