Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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