margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
