Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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