I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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