I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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