Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
