hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
