69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
