"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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