while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
