textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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