K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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