You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
