when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize