It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
