She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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