I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
