How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
