90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
