I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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