And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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