he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
