This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
