i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A+ Viking dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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