I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
