you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
