Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
