Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
