fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
