can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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