nut hugger
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
