i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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