Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
