I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
