How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
