Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
