I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize