my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Randomize
