Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
