the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone came in the potted fern
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
