In the future we'll all be gay
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
