I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
