He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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