Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
