3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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