no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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