I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
